


Bake $ale

by EddiesCouch



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Baking, Chocolate, F/M, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, One Shot, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22675237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EddiesCouch/pseuds/EddiesCouch
Summary: Just how much is Mammon willing to pay for a human made pastry? Or is there something else he's more greedy for?
Relationships: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 69





	Bake $ale

It had been… Interesting getting used to all the new ingredients down in the Devildom. After all, who would have guessed ground manticore bones contained gluten? All of the saving grimm for ingredients, and experimentation that usually turned out to be explosive in more than just flavor, was about to pay off. At the shrieking of the egg timer Riu pulled open the door of the oven and, after ducking from the surge of heat, pulled out a tray using oven mitts three times too big. 

The pastries had turned out beautifully. Twisted ropes of rich buttery dough had been layered with chocolate. It glistened as stray bits melted out from between layers. The egg wash had given the dough a warm, glowing sheen like they’d been sunkissed- despite the sun being unfathomably far away. Making the darling little delicacies brought a flush of pride that had Riu beaming. It was the first breath of resuscitating her hobbies down there in the darkness. 

Waiting for them to cool was excruciating. The impatience caused Riu to be a touch heavy handed with the powdered sugar finishing on the first couple. Riu was just as well dusted as the pastries seeing how her apron, ruffly, bat winged, and entirely inappropriate for actual cooking, had also been a casualty of the powdered sugar. It was a hand-me-down from Asmo. It took every ounce of willpower to  _ not _ think about where the apron had been, or what it had been through, otherwise it would keep her from eating anything she made in it. Though, now that Riu actually had something to show for it the thought wasn’t so daunting. 

“Mmm, what’s that smell?” 

The unexpected voice startled Riu, making her squeeze the bag of powdered sugar just as she was putting it away. A white cloud shot from the bag and began to settle over her. “Good, great, now just bake me and call me a pastry.” she said bitterly in between coughs. 

Mammon obviously wasn’t deciding to be merciful given how he broke into a deep laugh. “Is that an invitation? It’s been a long time since I’ve had a human snack.”

Riu began to reach for the knife block. 

“Hey- Hey- Hey! I’m just joking, lighten up!” Mammon threw his hands up in surrender, though he was still giggling between words. 

Riu narrowed her eyes and pulled a long, thin knife from the block. “Trust me, you wouldn’t want to eat me Mammon. I have enough iron in me to give you a stomach ache.” There was a suspicious glint across the blade of the knife as Riu cut the gawkiest looking pastry in half. It was to be the sacrifice to the pastry gods. As was the tradition for every misshapen pastry and every unlovely first pancake. She picked up one of the halves and bit into it. All menace in her expression melted away and was replaced with pure, undiluted pleasure. She hummed, savoring the pastry and for a moment she was entirely unaware of both Mammon and herself and the chocolate now smudged across her lip. 

Mammon was saved from his retribution by her distraction, not only for his laughing but also for the way he looked at her then with a soft smile. “Right then…” Mammon was only slightly daunted as he sidled up next to Riu, looking down at the tray. “Give me one of those then. They smell really good.” 

The request snapped Riu out of her stupor. All at once she was grinning a smile that was all bitter chocolate and teeth. It would have seemed much more apt to come from a demon rather than the only human present. With narrowed eyes and indelible mischief Riu leaned in. “How much will you give me for one?” 

“... Huh?! Wha- How?! You- You can’t be serious! You’re charging me?” Mammon shouted loud enough to raise the dead. 

Riu, now deaf and reading his lips, bought time to figure it out by shrugging nonchalantly. Her grin had not ebbed a bit. “I’ve put a lot into these chocolate horns. Human world ingredients aren’t cheap and it took a lot of effort finding Devildom substitutions. If anyone taught me to squeeze for every penny… well, that would be you  _ dear _ Mammon.” Riu’s expression was lightyears past the cat who caught the canary. She might as well have had Goldie under her boot at that moment she was so self satisfied. 

“What are ya talking about?! Where’d ya get them- No packaged cookie is expensive enough in the first place for ya to turn them into a damn racket!” Mammon slammed his hand down on the counter. Thankfully he missed the tray but he sent up another cloud of powdered sugar. 

For a moment Riu was too dumbfounded to speak. There she was in her overly frilly, but well smudged and powdered apron, oven mitts next to her, and dishes piled in the sink behind her. She took a breath that was as long, slow, and deep as she could so she could properly organize her thoughts. “Mammon. We’ve been through a lot at this point, and you know me. I haven’t asked before, but I think it’s time I know.” 

“Haa-?” As quickly as he got worked up Mammon deflated at the sudden change of tack. Before he could do anything more Riu continued. 

“Are you  _ fucking _ dumb?  _ Packaged cookie?!  _ I  _ made  _ them Mammon. That’s why I’m wearing this even though it smells like Asmo dumped a little bit of every bit of cologne he had on it. That’s why I’m using Beel’s oven mitts. That’s why I’m covered in enough sugar to make a coke addict weep. I haven’t been able to make any of  _ my  _ recipes since I got down here and it’s been killing me. It’s all R.A.D stuff and dealing with you damn circus clowns so I don’t y’know, die! I haven’t been able to do any me stuff! So if you want some of  _ my _ pastries after making me jump through hoops to help you dodge the witches, or pull of your scams, or bail you out of the pyramid schemes you keep falling for- you’re gonna have to pay up.” By the end of her diatribe Riu was breathing hard. She hadn’t meant for that all to come out, let alone yell it. It was supposed to just let itself be quietly swept under the rug and dealt with but the chances of that had been burned to a crisp.

Apparently, Mammon hadn’t expected it either. He looked at Riu with wide eyes like a deer in the headlights. Her bluster had won out over his and extinguished it. Silence hung for a moment as he tried to process her words and Riu tried to calm herself down with deep breaths. Her hands curled around the edge of her apron trying to take out her flooding of frustration and embarrassment on the apron rather than snap at Mammon again. 

Just as she inhaled, about to speak again Mammon beat her to it this time. “Ok, how much?” For having been figuratively run over just a moment ago he was suddenly calm and copacetic. 

“Wha… Now you’ll pay for it?” Riu said, obviously confused why he’d react that way. 

Mammon smirked at her “Heh, how the tables have tabled. But yeah... I’ll pay up. If-if it’s that important to you. Ya coulda just said ya made em in the first place...” his voice started out confident but diminished into a barely audible mumble at the end. He had also been looking at her face but somehow ended up staring down at her shoes. Clearing his throat he regained some… most of his composure and waved a finger in her face “Just this once though. Then you’re not going to get another penny from The Great Mammon.” 

Just like that her, well, devilish grin was back with eyebrows raised in curiosity “Alright then. How about…” Riu tapped her lower lip, just managing to miss the chocolate, as she thought. Throughout the motion Mammon’s eyes were glued to her finger tip. “50,000 grimm?” 

“Uh huh… Sure- Wait WHAT!? 50,000 G? You want 50,000 G for a pastry?!” Mammon had been distracted and the whiplash had him sputtering. 

“Yeah. With that much it would help pay for the cost of ingredients and my time so I can make more. You’re always asking for money so you can think of it as an investment as you want. Besides, I thought you were the Avatar of Greed, how is the Avatar of Greed ever without money?” Riu said, her manner sly as a fox.

The appeal to his pride at least kept Mammon from yelling again, though the lower part of his eye was twitching. 

“Or I guess I could just take your car. I haven’t quite figured out bussing by myself yet.” Frankly she wasn’t sure what doors on the bus opened up to the cabin and which would open up to somewhere dark and wet with far, far too many teeth. Bold as Riu was, she was afraid to find out without guidance. Mammon didn’t seem to acknowledge her plight as he was too busy looking like he’d been punched in the gut. Maybe he’d need some anti-acid even before he got to eat anything.

“No pastry made by a stupid human is worth 50,000 grimm! I won’t give you more than 30,000! No way! Never!” Mammon said, like paying 30,000 Gs wasn’t an outrageous amount even still. 

Riu could feel a vein throbbing in her neck. Stupid human huh? She turned to face him with arms akimbo, eyes sharp as she glared him down. “Well now it’s 60,000!”

Up until then, Mammon had only seen her from the side. Now he got the full view of her in an apron more suited to a maid cafe with more ruffles than a wedding cake and two delicate devil wings at her shoulders. She looked more like a pastry with arms streaked with stray bits of chocolate, her cheeks and hair dusted with sugar, and glaring at him with a pout that was doing funny things to his chest. 

Riu advanced on him, still glaring, and puffed out her chest. “Well? If you want my  _ stupid human pastries _ cough it up!” She held out her hand and gestured for the money, making the apron’s wings bob. 

It was too much. Mammon could feel his cheeks burning as he took a step back and swallowed hard. All of a sudden he found himself wondering how much it would be for the chocolate left on her fingers. “Y-y-yeah right! As if I’d do that much. There’s n-no way I’d betray Goldie like that.” his voice shook as he spoke. 

“Have it your way, it’s 80,000 now. I’ll just make a bed of money and jump in it!”  _ Stupid Human, betraying Goldie,  _ and telling her she wasn’t worth it- the insults were beginning to creep under her skin even though Mammon was always like this. It took a minute longer to actually look at him through the anger, and she tell he was about one push away from melting into a puddle. Riu’s grin returned once again, this time it was razor sharp. She would make him pay alright. 

Riu grabbed the other half of the pastry she’d cut and bit into it slowly, gently. Chocolate leaked onto her lips as she pulled the pastry apart. She chewed quickly, finishing by slowly running her tongue around her lips. “Damn that’s good.” her voice was soft with pleasure from the taste. Before she glanced back at Mammon she took another bite.

His face was cherry red and his eyes were locked on her in a wide stare somewhere between reverent and fearful. “...This is ridiculous! You’re  _ MY _ human! I should just be able to- to-...” Mammon trailed off, caught on the thought of just reaching out and taking her finger in his mouth. 

“You should be able to do  _ what _ with  _ your human _ , Mammon?” Though Riu had been half way through another bite Mammon claiming her like that drained the sweetness from her face and she brought her hands together to crack her knuckles. 

“Wait, wait wait-Hey now! If I give you 50,000 because I’m  _ investing in you _ not buying  _ one pastry _ , I want to get to eat whatever you make at least once a week! And I want you to make me your favorite, uh..., cake! Aand you’re going to start a midnight delivery service to my room. Aaand I want some of the extra chocolate. Now. Also ya can keep dreaming if ya think you’re ever gonna get my car.” 

As Mammon listed demands Riu’s anger was washed away by a wave of triumph. It wasn’t the exorbitant ‘haggling’ fees she’d given him, and he wanted more things, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to pay. Besides 50,000 grimm was way more than she ever thought she’d wring out of him. She’d just have to check that the grimm wasn’t counterfeit. As long as it was an excuse to indulge herself more, Riu wasn’t about to complain. She’d make him eat his words along with her pastries though on the car, she’d see to that though. 

“Deal.” Riu held out her hand and shook his. “I have some chocolate that didn’t get melted on the board over the-”

She didn’t have the chance to finish. It seemed that after all that teasing he already had some chocolate in mind. Mammon had pulled her close and licked the chocolate off her lower lip, brushing his own against hers in the process for a not-quite kiss. “How do you taste so sweet?”

The moment their lips touched Riu swore it stopped her heart cold. The shock buoyed her spirit up out of her body before popping like a bubble and dropping her back down. It took a few loud heartbeats for Riu to feel the floor under her feet again, and it came along with the feeling of her face burning. “Ma-Mammon- I’m covered in sugar.”

“Oh. Right… Are ya sure it’s not just you? I.. could help ya clean yourself up and we’ll see then.” Mammon said softly, his voice going low. 

Suddenly it was starting to make more sense why Mammon had given in. This wasn’t really just about a pastry. As much as Riu wanted to torture him more for thinking he could buy her, there was a part of her that wasn’t too upset about Mammon’s suggestion. It took a moment of thought for the two sides to fight before she spoke. “Well... It would be nice to get out of this damn apron.” 

“I’ll take that too then.” Mammon slipped his hands around her waist and began to tug at the bow keeping the apron on. He had just gotten the bow undone and started to pull the apron off when a voice made him jump out of his skin. 

“Ah, so that’s what that smell was… Why are you being so loud though?” Beel asked as he walked into the kitchen. He made a straight b-line for the tray of still warm chocolate horns. “They look really good, and they smell even better Riu. Did you figure something out from last time?” 

Before Beel could see past the counter Mammon dropped Riu’s apron and clasped his hands behind his back “WE WEREN’T BEING LOUD.” Mammon shout-spoke. 

Both Riu and Beel side-eyed him. “Yeah… that’s not helping.” Riu said as Beel only raised his eyebrows. 

This time Mammon blushed out of embarrassment as he cleared his throat. “Whaddaya mean ‘last time’, Beel?”

“Beel’s been helping me get used to the food down here and figure out how to cook with it. This is my… Fifth try. I think I’ve got it down this time though!” Riu said, beaming and proud of her hard work. 

“So… where did all of those pastries go?” 

“I had them. I wouldn’t waste food, even a tester.” Beel nodded down towards the tray. “Can I have one?” 

Mammon laughed out loud at that. After the hard time Riu gave him? Certainly not. Definitely. There was no way. He’d had all those trays of her baking already and there was not a snowball’s chance in hell he would get more-

“Of course!” Riu ignored his laughter and handed beel a pair of chocolate horns. 

He wasted no time polishing them off and in a moment there was barely a crumb. “It’s delicious! I want another?” 

Finally breaking out of his stupor, Mammon slapped the countertop “Nope! Not happening! I just paid 50,000 grimm for one of those! You’re  **absolutely** not having another!” he looked like he was ready to jump over the counter and tear the chocolate horn out of Beel’s hands if he tried it. 

“Wait- you paid how much?” 

“50,000 grimm. Ignore him Beel, I made 18 so everyone can have two. Just don’t eat so fast this time!” Riu gestured for Beel to have a second. 

“Wait,” Mammon turned to her, smiling, “Does that mean I get two?” 

Riu paused, looking Mammon right in the eyes before she broke out in her devilish grin, “Sure, but the second is 100,000 grimm.”

⛤  **One week later.**

“You’re kidding me. You’re Goddamned kidding me!” Riu’s voice was torn with frustration and disbelief. It had been perfect, she’d made it perfect. Such care and attention to detail, for nothing. 

Mammon wanted hand made, hand delivered pastries right to his room? Well, she told him, if he wanted them he’d have to do the shopping. He complained, of course, but one “off hand” lick of her lips had him singing a different tune. Well. He still complained but he at least went- and while he was gone she’d gotten to work. 

It was surprising, Riu thought, that for someone who spent so much time stealing Mammon didn’t secure his own door better. She’d simply unscrewed the handle from the door and let herself in. Now, hotwiring his car on the other hand, was just as difficult as she’d expected. Her back ached from being twisted down so she could see under the steering wheel and something down there had definitely bitten her. However, with enough patience Riu’s years of experience on Earth came through for her. Sure the car ran on magic, but the wiring was still similar enough that she’d brought the car roaring to life. 

“Yeah! How do you like that!? Who’s dreaming now because  _ your human _ sure fucking isn’t!” Riu cackled over the sound of the engine in victory. She reached up and searched along the visor for a garage door opener, only to find none. “What..” 

She checked the jockey box. And the glove compartment. And the back seat, the floor, between the seats, and taped under any of the chairs. It wasn’t there. “Where is it?” Huffing, she looked up and a thought hit her like a meteor. The wall in front of her was just a normal, regular wall. Turning around she saw behind her was just a wall as well. 

With growing worry Riu got out of the car and checked all of the walls of the loft. They were all solid, and they were all just… regular walls. Riu dropped down to her knees and slammed her fist against the carpet- wait carpet? Why the hell would they have carpet up here? “No… no… you’re fucking kidding me! You’re kidding me! What kind of moron has a car in their room and  **no door?!** ” 

**Author's Note:**

> So, uh, I wrote a fic. It’s literally been over ten years since I’ve written a fic, but I’ve been having so much fun with Obey Me that I got the urge. Please be gentle since I wrote this with a concussion. Thanks to @panjams-posts for beta reading.


End file.
